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scottstevnson

I am not very kind to myself. I never have been. I

I am not very kind to myself. I never have been. I’ve always pushed myself really hard in a lot of aspects of my life in order to be someone I can be proud of, but I never live up to it.

I struggle to connect with people because I struggle to find value in myself that others would want from a person; reasons for someone to want me around. I don’t see them, so I assume there aren’t any, and therefore, I’m not worth others’ time.

When I do make connections I give myself away. I show I care by giving bits of myself to someone until the other person has them all and I don’t have any left.

So, I build a wall around myself so I don’t have to give anymore and I don’t have to feel. And that’s the cycle I’ve been living.

“Climbing” Oboe in Logan Canyon a little while

“Climbing” Oboe in Logan Canyon a little while ago. Thanks for the pic @landon_climbs_rocks

I was lucky enough to spend the last 10 days in Yo

I was lucky enough to spend the last 10 days in Yosemite. The valley is a place that you can literally just walk into and feel it. The walls are humbling and history of climbing is wild. It’s a such a privilege to be a rock climber. To get to experience places like Yosemite for what they really offer: Adventure. Overcoming fears. Experiencing real unknowns. Testing your physical and mental fortitude. @bshafs and I ticked off some fun routes and the trip highlight was linking Cathedral peak and Eichorn Pinnacle. The climb included about 8 or 9 miles / 2100 vert of hiking and 10 pitches / 1400 ft of rock climbing with a .10b crux. The pic is of me on the 5.6 traverse to the base of the last pitch to the top of Eichorn Pinnacle. Thanks for the photo and the fun adventure @bshafs

Linked SE face of Cathedral (700ft - simul-climbed

Linked SE face of Cathedral (700ft - simul-climbed) to West Pillar Direct of Eichorn Pinnacle (700ft) yesterday for one of the bigger alpine rock climbing days I’ve had in a few years actually.. I’ve been slacking and it showed 😂 felt that mental fatigue creep in for sure!! Here’s a pic of @bshafs belaying from the top of the 3rd pitch as I traversed the ridge to the base of the pinnacle’s summit block. Cathedral Lakes (I think) in the background.

Hey @thrashermag watch out. My brother and his fri

Hey @thrashermag watch out. My brother and his friends from New York who drove out here on a whim. It’s been some fun times so far.

@ceres_halo coming up one of the .10a pitches of a

@ceres_halo coming up one of the .10a pitches of a straggler Devils Castle route I hadn’t done. The route wasn’t great, but the adventure was fun and it was good to get scared and charge fast in the alpine with a friend. Thanks dude!

Howling at the other pasty bois!

Howling at the other pasty bois!

I miss traveling.

I miss traveling.

I've been running around in circles Pretending to

I've been running around in circles
Pretending to be myself
Why would somebody do this on purpose
When they could do something else?
Drowning out the morning birds
With the same three songs over and over
I wish I wrote it, but I didn't so I learn the words
Hum along 'til the feeling's gone forever
Took a tour to see the stars
But they weren't out tonight
So I wished hard on a Chinese satellite
I want to believe
Instead I look at the sky and I feel nothing
You know I hate to be alone
I want to be wrong...
I want to believe
That if I go outside I'll see a tractor beam
Coming to take me to where I'm from
I want to go home

Surprised myself and onsighted “The 7th Way” t

Surprised myself and onsighted “The 7th Way” today. What a sick route. Tanners is so intimidating. It feels very alpine and exposed. The 4th pitch (.11b) is one of the best I’ve ever done. Small crimps to an exposed arete. The last move was a full dyno for me 😂. What a wild ride. So fun. Thanks for getting out with me @sohmbody definitely out of the comfort zone, but sometimes you push it and end up with a W!

The crux of The Fracture (.10d). Took me a few tri

The crux of The Fracture (.10d). Took me a few tries to get this thing dialed. A tips pin scar and an insecure right foot bump to a small edge. Kind of reminded me of a finger crack version of The Flakes in LCC. Thanks for the belay @bshafs and the encouragement/video @kim.westover

Ahhh. Actual protectable granite crack climbing. I

Ahhh. Actual protectable granite crack climbing. I wasn’t expecting to do much trad climbing this weekend since I’ve been working on improving in sport climbing lately, but it turns out that South Tahoe has a lot more splitter granite than sport climbing. So I put in my big boy pants and tried some harder routes inspired by @bshafs One of the routes was this one. I went for the onsight on God of Thunder (.10c) and even though I sent, I dabbed by using the left wall to stem for one move which was part of the 5.9 var. Knowing it would likely haunt me for eternity, I forced myself to do the route again and get the redpoint. It felt nice to get a handful of 5.10 trad sends in because I’ve been struggling to get inspired by any gear routes in LCC for a while now...I’ll likely be returning to Tahoe soon. 📷 @kim.westover

I can’t pretend to understand what my life would

I can’t pretend to understand what my life would be like had I grown up a black man.
I can, however, realize that if I were to wake up tomorrow as a black man, I would have to deal with a lot of horrible shit that I currently do not have to even think about. And that is my privilege.
I cannot fully understand. But I stand with you. I hear you and I support you! #blackoutuesday

Finished our video about Weed B Gone (.11c/d)... a

@wesburdett @kirk_hilton and I put together this l

@wesburdett @kirk_hilton and I put together this little edit of me climbing Dean’s Problem (V5/6). Wes did most/all of the work honestly, I just spent the day bouldering 😂 I think it turned out sick. Thanks for all the hard work on it dude!!

I tried to get beta for this route, Division (.11d

I tried to get beta for this route, Division (.11d) and flash it. I got to the crux and totally missed the key crimp 😂 took a huge fall. Oh well. It’s a rad route and @kirk_hilton got a sick photo. Thanks dude. And thanks @sohmbody for the catch!!

Another fun one from a while ago.

Another fun one from a while ago.

A route I put up with @ceres_halo earlier this yea

A route I put up with @ceres_halo earlier this year. Nathan found the route and asked if I’d come check it out with him sometime. We went up and bolted it and I was able to send it after a few tries. I rated it .11a but everyone got mad at me so I bumped it to .11a/b 😂. I’m curious to see what people think of its difficulty. It was hard to pick a grade. It has an awkward crux, but the climbing and rock is super cool. Message me if you’re interested in trying it and I’ll tell you where it is.

This is a cool one from a while back. V5 or someth

This is a cool one from a while back. V5 or something.

Ski mountaineering... or I guess in my case, split

Ski mountaineering... or I guess in my case, splitboard mountaineering is something that I’m not great at. I’m not a very good snowboarder, but I like the idea of riding off the top of mountains that you’ve climbed yourself. Over the years, I have developed the skills to get up the mountain, and I can, generally speaking, get down the mountain, but sometimes the conditions or fear make the descent not pretty. I’m alright with it though. I was always way more into skateboarding than snowboarding. I was also way more into warmth than freezing. So I make the most of the winter with some fun objectives on a snowboard and in the mountains until the summer rolls back in and I can get on rock.

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